i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
