Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
