I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
