he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
