so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
