You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
