I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
