He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
