I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
