the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
