with your own penis?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
