nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
