uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
