tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Even my vagina gasped.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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