I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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