I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
