i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
