I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
