i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
