Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
