____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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