so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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