that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
