I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
