it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
