I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
