Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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