margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
