They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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