Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
