did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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