You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
