i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
