Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
