I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
