So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
