Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
