u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I am morally bankrupt
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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