Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
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i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
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I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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