He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
