my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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