And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
