you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
