you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
