I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
