That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
