Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
is it fun? or sober?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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