so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
