I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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