i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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