Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you made out with another girl for some wings
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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