I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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