I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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