i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
