Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
