I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
