he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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