Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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