are you so shy because you have an std?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
