You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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