I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
