I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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