Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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