You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
