I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
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She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize