if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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