I could have mohawked her pubes.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
