i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
