I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
