A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
