I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
