I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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